Day 39: Hatha Ouch!

Tuesdays Hatha class was rough. If I thought I was sore on Monday after my hike on Sunday then I was surely surprised with Tuesdays pain. On Sunday I hiked "The Chief" in Squarmish,( http://www.vancouvertrails.com/trails/stawamus-chief/) about an hour north of Vancouver, on the way up to Whistler. It's a giant rock face known as a outdoor rock climbing Mecca but you can hike a path up the back of it to a peak with an amazing view. It's steep and pretty challenging and at the top you have to use a chain to pull yourself up really steep parts. Going up was fine, but the steepness coming back down was killer on the legs. My knees even started hurting which has never happened to me before causing my hiking pal to say "hurry up grandma knees". So Tuesday I could not walk without pain. And the Hath class that I went to was a challenging one, with heaps of lunges and balancing. Thanks universe. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to touch my toes but sure enough after warming up the toe touch came easily. We did some plank poses and I actually felt strong in them though I know I have along way to go with the core shit. Core is my greatest challenge, the Sistine Chapel of my body work. If I ever get a strong core, which for me means being able to do a single sit-up un assisted, it's my CC on the bar cause that will be a day for a party.

Day 38: I am behind on my posts! Trying the catch up!

Day 38. Up early for the 7am Hatha class as I had a work event in the evening. As I am nearing the end of the challenge one thing I know for sure, I will continue doing yoga. However, I will NOT be getting up early for yoga. Once I am up it's all fine. I like the darkness and calm of the new day but the actually getting up part. I hate it with a passion only felt against world problems much larger than me being a lazy shit who loves her sleep.

The instructor had a really annoying voice too! I feel mean but it was like her "soothing" voice was totally put on. She was calm and breathy and it all felt a bit dramatic. Though it was early and I wad sore from a weekend hike so I just tried to zone out and stretch how I could considering my whole body felt stiff.
 

Day 37: Bad Blogger

Over a week without blogging, did ya'll think I fell off the yoga bandwagon? No siree, all is good. There was a nasty little exam last week that meant all my energy was spent towards that and there was no time for blogging. Just work, yoga and study like a good little student. My spirits are up, exam is over and the yoga continues. No big breakthrough, by day 37 I would have hoped to be able to stand on my head by now but I now realise I cannot be amazing at this in just 37 days. It doesn't work that way. :( My only miracle has been to be able to touch my toes and that is the miracle that I am holding on to. Ok maybe there has been another small miracle. There is this pose called "Happy Baby". Funny name, funny ass pose. It looks like this. 

I prefer to call it, "off to the gynacologist" pose

So I couldn't do it before, well I could kind of do it but it hurt like hell. But this week, we had to go into this pose, and I did it, and it felt totally easy. Which caught me by suprise cause I didn't expect off to the gynacologist pose to finally feel like this:

Happy baby! Of course! This lil fella is totally zenned out.

 So I suppose you can call that a little breakthrough. I can't believe I am on day 37 already. It's gone by so fast and has been so easy to incorporate into my life. I realised that every single other "activity" i have ever done I have always been aware of the clock. When I run I check the clock regularly and when I hit my destination or my running time limit I am well aware of the time spent. But the 1h 15m at yoga seems like it flies by, there are no clocks but I am always shocked when it comes time for savasana, I think, "wow, already?" it doesn't drag on at all. This is a good thing!

Day 28: Deep South Hatha

Friday nights Hatha class with Dan. It was pretty non eventful, I liked his class but I didn't loooove it. This could have been because he would start instructing in one voice and then part way through the sentence he would change his accent into an deep south american drawl. It was pretty comical really. God, I am getting really bitchy towards the instructors. It's hard not to.

Day 27: Cheerleader Vinyasa Power Flow

Day 27's class I decided to try a Vinyasa class as I was feeling chirpy and felt like something a bit more active. My new flatmate is a Yoga freak, I rarely see her at home, in fact, I've seen her more times at Yoga than in the house. Anyway, I remember her saying to me that she really liked Crista's class, but I remember that Crista was the "cheerleader yoga instructor" from the first intro class so I have kinda avoided her classes. I decided that I would give it a go anyway just in case my initial judgement of her annoying cheerleader tone and exagerated movements was unfair.

Her class was packed, she was clearly popular. Thankfully, although she retained a bit of a cheerleaders voice, she wasn't as bad as in that initial first class. But her class was very challenging and there was heaps of arm balancing poses that I was not even close to being able to achieve. And when googling images in order to demostrate what the poses were and how hard this shit is, I get images of an 83 year old woman doing them! What!!?? How weak am I!?

"The Crow" I can't do this and risk cracking my head open on the yoga mat but I feel like with a bit of practice I may be close to getting it. Yeah totally.

Headstand, It looks easy, cause we all did it as kids, but kills your head, neck and arms. You actually start this one with your feet on the ground. That's as far as I got. I might join the Sikh religion. wrap my head in a turban next time for extra support.

Grandma is totally showing off here. I hate her.

Day 26: Yin Love

Aaaaah, so my system when my body has been feeling fatigued has been an early morning class on one day, followed by the latest Yin class the following day, giving my body a pretty good rest between classes. This has been an excellent system and last night's Yin class was love-e-ly. Beverly is my new favourite Yin teacher. She was the one from last week who had that Pema Chodron quote and spoke about patience throughout the whole class. This class she spoke about uniqueness and loving yourself. She is the bloody Yin counselor I tell you. The last line of this massive quote she read was "I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments". Oriah

Whoa, heavy bro.

I can't help but bawl my eyes out during savasana at the end of her classes and I think I'm not the only one, the girl next to me was sniffling at the end too! Holy hell, yin-goers are a mess!
But after the cry I feel pretty damn good. I think she must have seen me crying cause she came up to me at the end of the class and rubbed my shoulder and told me that I'm "looking good, much more open". Hmmm, open! Cool. Not quite sure what that means, but I'll take it.

After Yin you just want to go straight home and jump into bed. You sleep like a baby. Insomniacs take note.

I hear ya homie.

Day 25: AWOL

3 yoga days and no post. Oopsie. I was still yogaing don't worry, I have not fallen off the 40 day wagon. Day 22 was a Saturday. I did an active Power class to get my body moving after my slow sore YIN practice the night before. I did me some sweatin and it felt good.

Theeeeeen Saturday night I got quite drunk. It was the tequilas fault. I was horizontal all day Sunday and I dragged my ass up to yoga for the last class on Sunday night, day 23. I wanted to vommit my way through the whole class and when I felt dizzy from down faced dog I just lay in childs pose for a bit until I had the stomach to move again. Yoga is friendly like that. No boot camp nazi screaming at you for being weak and lazy, no no no, yoga people say, "if anything is too much, just go into childs pose..." Yes thanks, I need me some of that.



Cept' I can't do proper childs pose, I need a support under my head like this guy. Mmmm almost like a pillow.

 I can't say I made any progress in this class, I was just lucky to survive it. And Savasana never felt so good.

Seriously, some people go all out for savasana and get props and blankies and everything. It really is a cosy time but sometimes I think people go too far. Maybe they are all hungover too and really need this like I did.

So day 24 I did a Hatha class  it felt pretty uneventful and quite frankly I felt pretty stiff, thought maybe my body was still recovering from that evil Mexican elixir from Saturday night.

Day 25, today, I woke up ridicuously early as I am going to see the Foo Fighters after work tonight. So I did a Power Class at 6.15 am. Man it was early. Today it may have been confirmed that I feel like I have hit a wall. My lower back is a little achy and I felt a bit tired in the old body. Like all over. It feels like the same wall I hit during week 1. My body doesn't feel like I can push it, it is acting like it's at a standstill and will not budge an inch. Stubborn mofo. Anyhoo. I don't have another class till tomorrow night and I might do Yin to give it a lil rest. It will not defeat me.

Day 21: Yin

Yin. Meh.

The slow stretchy one. I was bored today. All the stretches hurt! WTF! Day 21, I am supposed to be bendy dammit! Does my lesson in patience need to go on forever! Aargh!

We totally did this pose today. It looks awkward but is really quite comfy.

Day 20: Halfway!

20 days straight! I simply cannot believe it! What I can't believe even more is how easy it's been to incorporate into my life. Well, ok, it's not like I do much else with my time, single, not a stressful job, not many friends, in that respect it is understandable how easy it is. But more, how effortless it feels. I always tried to exercise before yoga and it was always like peeling myself off the wall Dali style.I like that this doesn't feel like it requires any effort to get my ass there. I have no doubt the next 20 days will be a cinch and can't wait to see what changes will occur in my body. Strong but flexible, that is my mantra. I want to feel that way both mentally and physically.

There was a special halfway class last night at the "big" studio. I never go there so a class without 5000 people in a small room was good. Like the intro class it involved all 4 types of yoga that they offer there. Yin, Hatha, Power Vinyasa & Kundalini. It was on a bit later than the usual class I would go to on a work night and as I was pottering about at home the new flatmate came home with a bottle of red and FORCED me to drink some with her. With a couple of hours to burn I couldn't say no so I went to yoga a little tipsy. Drunk yoga is not good for balance let me tell you. There were quite a few balancing poses in the Vinyasa part and I was all over the shop. But drunk Kundalini yoga is actually quite fun. It's that crazy dancing arm waving one, still don't think I will get into a whole 75 mins of a Kundalini class but it was fun to dance around for 10 minutes at the end of the class. It made me feel like fame.

Quote

I found the quote that the Yin lady read yesterday, it's a goodie:

“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”


― Pema Chödrön

Day 19: Ok, ok, I get it!

So as I said in a few of my last posts I am feeling a bit low again. 2 weeks ago I felt like I was healing, I didn't feel 100% but I felt on the way, positive and a little bit happy. Then the past week I've felt down again. I felt like I have gone backwards, regressed, I feel like I will NEVER get happy, I feel like I will NEVER feel like myself again. I feel like all this damn healing is taking waaaaaay too long. I took this feeling to the counselor. She said I was impatient for progress and I am doing fine. My Mum agrees. My friend Amanda says I am going strong even though I don't always feel it. Then in tonights Yin class, the teacher starts off with this quote. A chinese proverb: Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. Ok, ok, it's a very Yin thing to say but hello, WAS SHE TALKING DIRECTLY TO ME??? Then during a long stretch she told a story about a woman who went hiking with a sore ankle, rushed ahead during the hike and hurt her ankle again and had to be carried down the mountain pissed off on a mule (it was Peru), and then another quote, too long to remember exact words but it was all about going where the pain is blah blah blah and not rushing away.... Far out man,  Alright already universe, I get it! I hear your call! I gotta chill out and stop being impatient. I suppose people just gotta keep telling you till you finally listen. I will listen this time I swear.

Also, bloody love kindle. The yoga teacher was reading from a book by someone called Pema Chodron, whose name I just came across the other day god knows where. I go home, find her on amazon download one of her books literally 15 minutes after I hear her first quote in yoga. Kindle. You rock.

If I had a dog I would totally take it to yoga.

Day 18: Samantha has competition

I wanted to go to a Yin class (the super relaxing one) as I have done 11 Hatha classes in a row so I thought I'd mix it up. It's kinda the height of laziness as Hatha is pretty chilled so to take a break with an even more chilled one is pretty lame but whatevs. I need to be chilled man. I am running on high anxiety numbers. But anyway, it seems the universe had something else planned for me. When I got to the Yin class it was super packed. LuluLemon bodies strewn all over the place and yoga mats practically up the walls. And this was Yin! I was stressed just looking inside! So I decided to walk to the other studio, about 20 mins away to do the 7.30 Hatha class instead. When the Hatha class started, Jacqui the instructor said, "some people say my Hatha class is more like a Power class". GREAT I thought, the opposite of relaxing. This lady is going to make me do 100 plank poses! :( Anyway, it was an AMAZING class. So amazing that Jacqui is in competition for being my favourite teacher with Samantha after only one class with her. My muscles were a bit sore and her class stretched the shit out of me. There was lots of plank yes, but I actually felt strong and capable. And I could touch my toes. Again! Yee! At the end of the class she said that she hoped that our bodies felt energised but calm and our minds felt strong & focused. And I must say, that's exactly how I felt. I have been having a bit of a "down" week but this class tweaked something good inside me. Not enough to have me skipping down the street but enough to make me keen for more of this feeling, and keen for more yoga. Bring it on.

I am as fierce as this yoga cat right now man.

Day 17: Hell Yeah

Tonight's Hatha class started off with looooots of talking. Then the poses began and the instructor didn't demonstrate any of them just talked us through all the poses. It wasn't as bad as the extreme talker the other night but I instantly thought, great, we have another talker ladies and gentlemen. But actually I really liked her class in the end. She did a few poses that I had never done before so I liked the variety. One of them being standing on tippy toes. That's bloody harder than it sounds man. Anyone can stand on their tippy toes, but hold it for a bit and you can feel the challenge. Leg strain galore.

But the best thing about the whole class was that I touched my toes for the first time in FOREVER! It was well into the class so I was all stretched out and normally I bend my legs during the forward fold poses, and I just decided to straighten my legs and my hands didn't move! Granted I was only touching them ever so slightly but touching them still. Hell yeah! The bendiness has begun!

Day 16: New favourite teacher

Samantha is my new favourite teacher. I think she's the only instructor I've had more than once and I've now been to her class 3 times. Her Hatha classes have a good balance of challenging poses and ones that make you feel relaxed and centred. One of the things I also like about her is that her demeanour is the same during the class as it is after. One thing that I've encountered a few times is that the instructors all talk with a soothing, calm, warm zen type voice. With this you imagine that they are the nicest, most open people in the whole world! Healers! carer! Probably best friends with the Dalai Lama.

Then a few times I've said something to them after the class, asked them a question about a pose, told them that I enjoyed the class and it's totally weird but I have been getting weird, dare I say bitchy, vibes from some of the instructors! How dare I speak to them! It's almost like they look me up and down and roll their eyes at me! Bah!

So far, Samantha is the only one that is completely approachable. I shall save all my yoga questions for her methinks.

Day 15: Mind Fuck yoga

Tonights Hatha class was a little annoying. I pretty much have a different instructor every time I go to a class as I vary my times and studios that I go to, they always seem to be different. Note to self: I will not go back to this instructor. She did not demonstrate one single pose. She walked around the class the whole time talking us through the poses. Some might like this but for me, it meant she was talking the whole time telling us to concentrate on a million different things. I am still a little sick and have been having a sad couple of days so wasn't really in the mood to be confused. She was all like, bend at the hips, heart out, tailbone back, hips square, feet parallel to the side of the mat, what am I, a mathemetician, I am trying to keep my damn hips square, stop confusing me, draw your heels together, wtf, actually or theoretically??, draw heels into the ground, toes up, weight on the balls of your feet, isn't this contradictory? I was like, for godsake woman, you are doing my head in!

And we did about 1000 plank poses. I am hopeless at plank pose and am reminded of this as I am the only person in the whole class that has to drop their knees mid plank for a bit of a rest. Totally weak.

Even bloody kermit can do plank pose!

Day 12,13 & 14: ReCap

Have been absent from blog posting the past few days as I've been sick and all I've been doing is, work, yoga then bed. These were the first days that it has been a struggle going to a yoga class. All I have wanted to do was be in bed. But after draging my sorry ass in there I have definately felt better for going.

Day 12, Wednesday: I did a 7am class as I had  a work event in the evening. It was a Hatha class and it was kinda weird to get out of cosy comfy relaxing bed to just go to a hatha class and get relaxed again. I was relaxed before god dammit but I was in my jammies! wtf! So I can definately see the benefit of doing a more active class like Vinyasa Power Flow for the early morning class, at least it gets you pumped for the day.


Day 13, Thursday: I had just mentioned to someone that I had only had female yogis so far so I was excited to see that the class I wanted to go to after work was a hatha class with Peter. Peter reminded me of my friend Tula's partner Mark, so it was funny to be instructed by him. Canadian Mark. Not much different really to the women instructors, perhaps a little bit of a faster pace.

Day 14, Friday: strangely continuing the theme of male instructors, my Friday Hatha class was also instructed by a guy yogi that looked like a surfer. It's interesting to see the guys that are yogis, the girls all look pretty typical, turquoise jewellery, soft voices, warm smiles. I don't have a cliche what a man yogi should look like so they are pretty fascinating. This guy could have been a snowboard instructor.

I expected to struggle through all these classes feeling so ill, and I admit a few times, in down faced dog I felt like I could probably vommie but in the end I felt pretty good afterwards. Any fatigue I felt in the first week has subsided and I think this week can be characterised by me feeling a bit bendier. I feel stiff in the beginning of class and I am suprised how much bendier I feel by the end of the class.

My new boss told me that he did yoga once, it was called BROGA. He said it was the first and last time he ever did yoga. A bunch of gross men in a room all farting in their down faced dogs.

AKA Broga

Day 11: The hoarder

Todays hatha class was packed. Bumper to bumper yoga traffic I tell ya. I arrived and I could only see one space left at the front of the class, right in front of the teacher. I don't mind this, I must be a bit of a teachers pet at heart and like it when I can see exactly what she is doing and she can also see me to correct any dodgy movements. I sit down and try to find somewhere to put my props and the lady next to me, oh my god, she had all her shit round her mat like she was setting up camp for the summer. There are shelves at the back of the room for people to put their shiz, and no-one ever has anything at their mats, but for some reason, all her shiz was with her. Surrounding her on her mat were the following items:

1. Handbag
2. Mobile Phone
3. A pile of necklaces
4. A pair of socks
5. Tissues
6. A ziplock bag full of lollies (I kid you not), 
7. A cardigan
8. All the props (3 blocks, a blanket, a bolster and a strap)

Holy shit man, way to ruin any chance of serenity. She kept pressing her phone on to check for action the whole time making the light come on and when we were doing down face dog it actually started ringing but she couldn't see it cause her head was down in the dog. Crazy hoarder mofo.

I simply cannot believe I am on day 11 of this challenge. I thought it would be hard to do yoga, or anything, every single day, but it has actually been a bit of a freedom to have no question about whether or not I am going to do something. Without the luxury of being able to ask myself whether I feel like doing it or not I don't even question it and in the end it's not difficult. Clearly I need to be tricked with a competitive challenge to do anything regularly! I can't wait to see how I am after 40 days! I hope I feel bendy!

My sister Jody told me this story about a friend of a friend in Indonesia that bought a dog online, it grew, and grew, and grew, at an alarming rate and then... it stood up! Um, it was then that she realised it was not a dog but it was in fact a baby bear. We have decided that we want to go to Indonesia and buy 2 baby bears named, bearsy and bearso. It has to be 2 cause they look adorable when they wrestle. Mine is bearso and I am going to teach it yoga.

Inhale bearso, lengthen your spine.

Day 10: I think I'm getting stretchier

Day 10 and at the beginning of the Hatha class I thought F*ck I am STILL tight and unflexible, you'd think after 10 days straight doing this sh#t I would have loosened up by now! But after the first few initial poses I must have losened up and I felt a significant change. It wasn't really that I was more flexible or anything I just felt a "movement" in the stretches that has never been there before. Like I could go significantly further quite quickly in each of the poses whereas before I would do a pose and that was it, I'm in the pose and that's where I stay. I got in the pose and a few moments later I could push it quite a bit further... interesting phenomenon.

This is my new favourite pose. Lordy that shiz feels good in the hips.

So todays yoga teacher was a bit annoying. First of all she started the class off by saying "One of the things that I'm really interested in at the moment, and something that I have been reading alot about is buddhism" She then pauses for a long time. I probably shouldn't be so mean but HELLO CLICHE. And she said it all in a way that made me think she was going to say something really out of the ordinary like, "one of the things I am really interested in is how some jihadists in pakistan really find solace in yoga after a hard day in the bomb lab". A yogi that is into buddhism...oooh you're sooooooo unique lady. But anyway, I forgave her cause then she started talking about something that resonated with me. I googled the words and found the shit she was referring to:

This word ‘emptiness’ — SHUNYATA — has been very much misunderstood by people, because the word has a connotation of negativity. Whenever we hear the word ‘empty’ we think of something negative. In Buddha’s language, emptiness is not negative; emptiness is absolutely positive, more positive than your so-called fullness, because emptiness is full of freedom; everything else has been removed. It is spacious; all boundaries have been dropped. It is unbounded — and only in an unbounded space, freedom is possible. His emptiness is not ordinary emptiness; it is not only absence of something, it is a presence of something invisible.

This sense of emptiness being a good thing, that it creates a spaciousness and a freedom was interesting to me. It is pretty much how I feel at the moment. Having a broken heart and being on your own again there is a pretty overwhelming constant sense of emptiness. It is pretty common to then try and fill this feeling of emptiness with something, a rebound fling, distractions, drinking, throwing your self into a project. But it is healthier to try and be at one with your emptiness and even appreciate it. Make it into a positive feeling of freedom and spaciousness instead of negative nothingness.

Deep man. Totally deep.

You know who else is deep?

Ha! You put dog yoga into google and dog yoda comes up. Funny.

Day 8&9: Saturday & Sunday

Will write about these 2 days together cause I am stuck for time. Have spent the whole weekend indoors trying to get my assignment done that is due on Monday morning. Sunday night 6pm - still working on it. All I have done is study, eat and gone to yoga. I haven't even showered once!

Saturdays class was hatha. I went with my new flatmate and we both really enjoyed the class, it was very chilled out and my back was thanking me afterwards. Sooooo long sitting in a chair writing my assignment. The flatmate liked the class so much she was thinking of joining the studio, she went to work today and told her boss how much she loved the yoga class and her boss informed her that a 3 month perk of the job (it's a new job) is a membership to said yoga studio. She is amazed by this and feel like the universe has sent her a sign!

Todays class was another hatha but this one was a little more active. I like the more active hatha classes. Feels momentarily like you are improving. Though on a whole I still feel exactly the same as when I started. You would think I could get my head closer to the floor in childs pose after 9 days straight of doing it.

My head does not reach the floor like it should. It hovers over the top of my legs...

I am a little teary today. Probably cause it's thanksgiving here and people are celebrating and having yummy dinners with loved ones and I am stuck indoors doing my assignment and don't have any loved ones here anyway even if I wasn't. Stupid Thanksgiving.

Day 7: Feel the serenity

Just did a Yin class and it was probably the most relaxing Yin yet. A mere 7 poses in 1h 15m and holding them each for ages! I feel like I got a good stretch in though and now feel like I have given my body a good rest. I am ready for something more active tomorrow for sure. Walking the 10 blocks home from yoga I saw a car speeding up the street and thought how good it feels not to be in a rush. Just me by my lonesome and feeling good to be going at my own pace strolling down the street.

It may also be a miracle if I don't get sprayed by a skunk walking this route back to my house. I saw a skunk the other day and tonight one popped out it front of me on the path. They are so cute but if I accidently startle one I be in deep trouble.

I don't think even the febreeze will save ya lil kitty.

Day 6: 6.15am class = Commitment

What I am committed to is undecided. I did a Vinyasa Power Flow class this morning at 6.15am before work. Not because I love getting up early but because I have plans to go out tonight, I don't want to miss out on a fun night just for yoga, so I drag my sorry ass out of bed at 5.55am. I think this means my commitment lies in drinking and nothing will keep me from the sweet elixir.

So I noticed it a little in last night's Yin class but it was blatantly obvious to me in this mornings class. I have hit a wall. I think my muscles are fatigued cause I feel like I am struggling with the poses more than I have been before. I feel weak and stiff. We did alot of balancing poses this morning and I was all over the shop. Maybe the classes before we're easier and I didn't notice how shit I am? Who knows. But you would think I would feel stronger and looser, no. Not the case. As I did todays class at 6.15am, I won't do my next class till late tomorrow night. This might give my body a little break. We'll see if that does the trick.

In the meantime I will go out tonight and have fun with my favourite saffa and her crew. I may do a bit of savasana when I get home.

It's me on the left silly!

Day 5: Namastiness

I have actually done yoga quite a few times before this little stint but this time I feel like I am really doing yoga. All I can put it down to is, when you are feeling quite low you really recognise the things that make you feel good and the difference they make within is quite large cause when low, there is lots of potential for a myriad of feelings that are a million time better than where you are.

My friend Rachel wrote me an email and used the word namastiness, she was talking about namaste and feeling my namastiness but to me namastiness sounded like nastiness and I like the mix of words. I do have lots of bad feelings inside at the moment and one of them is nastiness for sure. Ben has sent me a couple of text messages that have been a bit bizarro, the last one ended with "Happy new beginnings Perko!"  Which clearly indicates that he has just opened a bottle of champagne and is blissfully celebrating our breakup just like it is new years fucking eve. This sort of of stuff makes me feel like shit and I bipolar disorder from feeling hurt, sad, angry and murderous at any given moment. Anyway, there is a yoga point to all of this. One thing yoga has been good for is practising turning all of the "nastiness" I feel into a bit of "namaste". You learn how to breathe through a challenging pose just like you learn to breathe through any bad feelings that enter into your body and mind. And trust me, bad feelings enter through your body, you feel it in your guts, your throat and/or your chest. You learn to feel it coming in and learn to try to let it back out again. There is no room for any nastiness in my body, it's poison. I don't have to like Ben's text message but I also don't want it to eat me up inside. It's just me now and I am all I should be concerned with. It's not easy to do but it really does make you feel better.

I did Yin yoga tonight, it was at 8.30pm and it's the relaxing one where you hold simple stretches but for long periods of time. It was an excellent type of yoga for what I needed today, no more namastiness here.... for now.

So can I yoga cat, so can I.

Day 4: I can't even remember what I did in yoga tonight.

Tonights Hatha class was pretty relaxing. It was the most chilled out Hatha class I have done and it was kinda welcome today. I can't even remember what moves we did or anything that stood out in the class. this could be because afterwards I got a massage and I am so relaxed from the relaxing yoga and the relaxing massage that the brain has stopped working and I just want to go to bed now please.

I keep finding these pics of yoga dogs and they make me laugh, I think I might be turning into one of those cat/dog blog people.

How could you not love this lil fella though:

You know what comes after this pose don't you? That's right. Downward dog.

Day: 3. Lengthen the spine-ah

Let it be said that I have NEVER done any exercise consecutively 3 days in a row. I have already hit a personal best! Yay for me!

Hatha today. I like that no 2 hatha classes are really the same. Depends on the teacher and where they decide to focus on that particular day. Todays teacher wore jeans to class (wtf!) as she said she couldn't be bothered to change into yoga pants. Totally weird. And she spoke at the start of the class and her voice was all normal but when she got into the class her voice started to change and went from being normal to dramatic and deep and she would end her words with an extended ah! not aaaah but more like ah! So instead of saying breathe she would say breathe - ah!  Lengthen the spine - ah! It got kinda humorous to me and I wonder if anyone else noticed it. But her crazy speech was forgiven cause her class was really challenging, lots of core work and hip stretching. Hip stretching! Hallelujiah! I didn't even know my hips were tense but holy jesus they felt good to be stretched out. And the plank. The plank kills me. If I can comfortably do a plank by the end of the 40 days I shall buy myself a pony.  I can do them now but I have to put my knees down in the middle and I feel like I may die of a burst aneurysm during it.

On my walk home I went and had a look at the view across the street from my new apartment. It was a nice chilly Vancouver afternoon. A nice view to end my yoga session before heading in for the night.

Day 2: Ouch my knee

Today I did a hatha class which I really enjoyed. One thing that is a bit of a pain in the ass though is my sore knee. I completely stacked it while carrying my bed into the new place. Fell off the side of the path to the front door, dropped the bed into the bushes and scraped my knee against the concrete. It got bloody and bruised and I cannot put any pressure on it. So it's makes a few poses in hatha impossible. I hope it heals quick.

My body was a bit tender from the yoga yesterday, mainly in the back of my legs and arms (damn kundalini arm waving) so all the stretching poses actually felt really good, and afterwards I felt jolly and nimble. I was running late to get to the class and I rushed there so I also really enjoyed the relaxing breathing poses to get me to feel centred again. It's funny, the "savasana" the last pose you do in yoga, which is basically lying flat while they put soothing music on, was a pose that used to make me anxious. I didn't like sitting still like that. It felt un-natural and forced. But now I love it. It's kinda weird and I could easily do that at home  (I don't), but in that environment after the whole class it's a great way to end and I really feel myself feeling light and relaxed.

This is what Savasana looks like. This lil doggie is lovin it!

Day 1: It's not very namaste to hate the instructors.

The move out of the apartment was horrible and am really glad it's over. I literally left our apartment for the last time after moving all day and went straight to the first yoga class. To kick off the challenge there was a special class for people embarking on the 40 days. It was a class that included all 4 types of yoga offered at the studio, yin, hatha, vinyasa & kundalini and instructed by 4 different people. So here is my rundown:

Yin: is the relaxing yoga, deep stretches held for longer periods. Nice. I've been to Yin a few times before and I quite like the style. The classes I've been to are usually the last ones held at night and they dim the lights. I have slept like a baby after these classes.

Hatha: is more posey, doing the typical yoga moves but in a relaxing way that concentrates on making sure your posture is correct and you hold your pose with strength and precision.

These two types of yoga were no surprise in todays class. I have never done the other types of yoga before and quite frankly they were a little bit whack.

Vinyasa: To start off the the instructor annoyed the hell out of me. She was like an american game show host who tried to shove her namaste down your throat in her tone of voice and dramatic way she expressed the poses. If you can imagine a cheerleader instructing yoga, that's what it would be like. I didn't mind the vinyasa style per se, a more active version of hatha but I shall experiment with another instructor before I make any final judgement thanks.

Kundalini: well, fucking hell, this shit was ridiculous. The instructor was so tanned she seriously looked like a burns victim and I really try to love all people and their choices in life but I just don't know why you would fry your skin like that, I lose respect for you, you tell me to make a commitment to myself and my physical, mental and emotional health and you are a fried chicken wing? Lady please. And I haven't even started on the yoga yet. It basically involved some movements where you squatted then stood and screamed some crazy language, another movement reminiscent of the New Zealand haka (bro) and then about 15 minutes of dance music straight from DCM circa 1996 where she instructed crazy jumping, dancing and hand waving. I got into it, cause there really was no choice but seriously, I can already tell kundalini is not my thing, I thought I was going to tear a ligament in my arm with so much hand waving. And this was just for 20 minutes. Imagine a class that goes for an hour!

I did feel good afterwards though. Before the class my spine felt a little pinched from carrying things in the move but afterwards it felt good.

40 Days of Yoga. Holy Sh*t!

I read a quote today that resonated a bit with me.

It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey. Wendell Berry.

In this stage of my life I would have imagined that I would be thinking of things like this.

Babies and a committed relationship. Big meringue wedding dress NOT!

But instead I am currently trying to recover from the most painful breakup of my life thus far and wondering where the hell I am. It has really hit me like a cricket bat to the face, I put alot of blind faith into our relationship and never really imagined that it would end like this.  

I have been hitting a few yoga classes and I have found they make me feel centred, relaxed and they help me sleep better, which is troublesome for me at the moment. So when I saw the ad for The 40 Day Yoga Challenge, a very Vancouver thing to do, which starts the day I move out of our apartment, I thought it was a bit of a sign for me. The ad said: 

Yogic science confirms that it takes 40 days to fully develop a new life-promoting habit or to drop a current destructive habit. The Semperviva Challenge is a great way to strengthen the body, unburden the mind, and begin a daily commitment to yourself.

In 40 days, you can create a whole new way of being.

It was clearly speaking directly to me. And what the hell else do I have to do? I would like to create a whole new way of being cause I certainly don't like where I'm at right now. Being sad sucks balls.

I hope to achieve some abs, an unburdened mind and get happy god dammit.

My good friend Amanda D requested that I blog my way through the 40 days of yoga just so she had something fun to read on her new iPad. She has been a good friend to me so I have decided that I will do just that. So hastamananabanana is back. 

So I start tomorrow. And I shall try and blog every day.

Namaste. I'm kidding. God I feel like a wanker when I say that.