21 August 2008


Little Betty and I hanging out after the below crying incident. She is clearly laughing about how mean she was to me. Little Satan Baby!

In LA I met Betty for the first time. LITTLE BABY BETTY IS SO ADORABLE!!!!! Granted the first day I was with her, Teeny (my sister) and my Mum went to a taping of The Ellen Show, I volunteered to baby sit Betty. She was sleeping at first and looked so lovely, she then woke up and I put her in the pram for a spot of shopping. well the damn alien was fine until I stopped to look and things and then she CRIED, it seems she just wanted to go for a little walk and all the american goods that were on offer for bargain prices due to the weakness of the dollar were not of interest to the terry towelling pink bonds jumpsuited little satan. I gave up and went back to the hotel. Then it was time for her bottle and she didnt even want it and MORE crying! It seems what she wanted after much crying was to lean her little head on my forearm in a very uncomfortable position for me, while I bounced her around the room and the halls of the hotel. FOR AN HOUR! Then she fell asleep and it wasnt even sleep time! Lazy bastard! But then she was so cute asleep I forgave her for all the pain she had just caused me.....Oh but yes, there was more pain to come. That evening, with a suspected upset tummy from the long flight, she projectile vommited her weight in spew onto me, leaving me with puddles of vommit in the creases of my jeans. THEN, the next day, all comfy on Aunty kristy´s tummy in the Baby Bjorn, Aunty Kristy suddenly feels something wet on her feet. I scream, I THINK BABY BETTY JUST PEED ON MY FEET. As I couldnt see my feet cause the view was being blocked by baby betty bouncing in the baby bjorn, my sister inspects the mysterious liquid. "Um thats not pee its poo" It seems baby bettys upset tummy is still wreaking havoc and american babies have fatter asses that the aussies cause the runny poo escaped out the sides of the ill fitting pampers. As a true trooper mother teeny wipes my feet with a wet wipe, takes the runny poo filled baby (GET HER OFF ME) snaps the baby born on her own body and heads back to the hotel to clean up. Kids are ROTTEN!

Jody (the bride) later joined us and we packed the hire car up to look like national lampoons family vacation. The car was decent sized, my suitcase was small enough to fit in the front seat of the car on the floor, everyone else however had packed as if they were immigrants leaving their countries for good... Teeny packed a GIANT suitcase and then ANOTHER medium sized one... claiming that all of Betty´s 000 sized bonds jumpsuits really do take up alot of room. So we had to make a trip to Kmart which was an adventure in itself, to buy a tarp and things to secure the goods. We had roof racks so we piled Teenys stuff of the top of the car, figuring baby Betty wouldnt care if she lost a few nappies, jumpsuits or her pram, covered it with a tarp and embaressingly drove all the way to Vegas with a bright blue tarp flapping dangerously in the wind. The Vegas mixed CD I had prepared (with great vegas hits such as viva los vegas and a great kenny rogers track) and bought along made us feel cool from the inside of the car but we certainly didnt look cool from the outside.

OK maybe Little betty is cool, both inside and out! So cute!

LA was quite fun, all I can really write about as far as sightseeing is the "tour of the stars homes" limo ride that we took. This was very fun and we of course took vino in the ride to be truly famous looking. The hightlight of the limo right was when we had consumed all of the vino and therefor were busting to pee. Where does a limo stop when its occupants need to go to the toilet? Well of course it stops at the public toilet when George Michael got busted doing dodgy business. Here we are at said toilet... so cool.

Oh and I saw my long lost friend Malko which was AWESOME as the americans would say. New Rule Malko...no wearing watches in gym class! MUA!

2 homie be sending comment love:

Bluestreak said...

Thanks for reminding me of all the reasons why it´s only cool if other people have kids - not me. Satan babies. You are funny as hell.

Mamacita Chilena said...

My husband is going to be mad at you. After reading this post I just pushed our baby making time frame out another 5 years (as it stands we're already at 10 years out, you just made it 15!)