Day 5: Namastiness

I have actually done yoga quite a few times before this little stint but this time I feel like I am really doing yoga. All I can put it down to is, when you are feeling quite low you really recognise the things that make you feel good and the difference they make within is quite large cause when low, there is lots of potential for a myriad of feelings that are a million time better than where you are.

My friend Rachel wrote me an email and used the word namastiness, she was talking about namaste and feeling my namastiness but to me namastiness sounded like nastiness and I like the mix of words. I do have lots of bad feelings inside at the moment and one of them is nastiness for sure. Ben has sent me a couple of text messages that have been a bit bizarro, the last one ended with "Happy new beginnings Perko!"  Which clearly indicates that he has just opened a bottle of champagne and is blissfully celebrating our breakup just like it is new years fucking eve. This sort of of stuff makes me feel like shit and I bipolar disorder from feeling hurt, sad, angry and murderous at any given moment. Anyway, there is a yoga point to all of this. One thing yoga has been good for is practising turning all of the "nastiness" I feel into a bit of "namaste". You learn how to breathe through a challenging pose just like you learn to breathe through any bad feelings that enter into your body and mind. And trust me, bad feelings enter through your body, you feel it in your guts, your throat and/or your chest. You learn to feel it coming in and learn to try to let it back out again. There is no room for any nastiness in my body, it's poison. I don't have to like Ben's text message but I also don't want it to eat me up inside. It's just me now and I am all I should be concerned with. It's not easy to do but it really does make you feel better.

I did Yin yoga tonight, it was at 8.30pm and it's the relaxing one where you hold simple stretches but for long periods of time. It was an excellent type of yoga for what I needed today, no more namastiness here.... for now.

So can I yoga cat, so can I.